Every age we pass through brings us an understanding. I recall my teenager these days; the desire to feel so deeply. I remember standing under a streetlamp in an evening, remote and alone, belting out some Broadway tune so strongly that I felt I was floating. I half-hoped someone would hear me and like it. I half-feared someone would notice.
Our age – the one we live in- has a strong undercurrent of drama. Obviously there is a relief for the distraction from our daily toils. There looms a “comfort in melancholy,” as Joni Mitchell recounted so many years ago. There lives the darkened stream of disaster just at the edge of our vision. This is the place of war, nuclear disaster, self-destruction through over-population, pollution, bad choices that require a pay-back with hefty interest.
From my previous entries you’ve probably gathered my tendency away from those shadowy places of angst and “oh my gosh” thoughts. I don’t want to be calmed down; I’d rather just be calm. I choose and I’m motivated to keep going on this lighter path. As briefly mentioned before, yoga is a part of my life.
Yoga is like a friendly dog that didn’t need my training, but just adjusted to my lifestyle (while I learned how to do downward facing dog) as I noticed the overall wonderful effect of having her around. I invited her in and she’s a good reminder.
Calming the nervous system in whatever ways we can work wonders in all areas of life. When staff doesn’t show, or someone creates the exact opposite of what had hoped; when you hit all the red lights and you are now late; when the phone is ringing and the dean is waiting and you forgot to make those copies but now the machine is broken; when your son is sliding into a bad place and every nerve is needing a breath…
then breathe.
Luckily these days are good ones, but I remember – oh yes, I remember times that hit so unbelievably hard that the stars are below my feet. Indeed, I am lucky, but more than that. I have tried and tested tools to help me, and yoga helps keep me in training for the unexpected. We all know it comes.
On the reference desk, I remember to breathe. I tolerate and advocate, I keep a neutrality around ‘live and let live’ that is from my heart, I am interested in almost everything and I have principles. Yoga helps with this.
It’s also made me an inch taller, according to my doctor’s measurements over the last five years.
My inner teenager is one of the phases of my life I hope never to forget, but I wish I was taller then. At least I wrote some pretty good poetry. I’ll share this sometime, when I feel courageous again.
